Most of us have not been taught that our relationships require an ongoing investment of attention, time and energy to maintain and enhance their vitality. Many of us work hard, are pressed for time or are caught up in the daily, everyday grind of activities. This often results in the sense that we’re on a deprivation schedule, so fantasising about romance seems like the one place where we can let ourselves be spontaneous and enjoy ourselves.
We’re all familiar with the heady rush of falling in love, the exciting and highly-charged time when we meet a person who seems to be the answer to all of our problems. It’s at this early stage in every relationship that sparks fly, and the charge generated between us and the other person is irresistible. Romantic love can be so intoxicating it convinces us that it’s true love, that this is the right person for us, that they will answer all our prayers and cure all our ills and make up for all the dissatisfaction of our past and present lives. Instead of idealising romantic love with someone other than your partner, or sacrificing everything for someone you hardly know, have you ever considered putting all that energy and charge back into the relationship you already have?
We’re not taught how to be experts on relationships. We’re not prepared for the normal disillusionment that takes place in every healthy, lasting relationship. We wake up one day and for a myriad of reasons feel terribly let down by our partner, so it’s easy to blame them and not have a clue how we’ve contributed to the unsatisfactory state of our relationship. We forget how differently we felt and behaved when we were making an effort to attract our partner. If someone else comes along who appears charming, attractive and sexy, it’s tempting to inwardly detach from our partner and get swept up in something new, different and apparently better. It’s easy to forget that we felt exactly the same at the beginning of our relationship with our partner. What happened? Where did that magic go?
If you cast your mind back to the start of your relationship, you can probably remember that when you thought about your partner and the prospect of having a relationship with her or him, it seemed an exciting opportunity, full of mystery, totally unknown, rich in promise and ripe with potential. Because it was so new and unfamiliar, it felt charged and made you anticipate and plan every contact you’d have with them, every call, or text or email you’d make. You made an effort to present your best self, to be witty and thoughtful. You were interested in her or him and you made efforts to be interesting to them. You thought about what you’d wear, what fun activities you could suggest, you were keen on trying new ways of being and thinking, visiting new places, eating different foods, introducing stimulating topics of conversation, inquiring about your partner’s likes, dislikes, dreams and hopes. In effect you were magnetic! You were inspired and inspiring, full of energy, no effort was too big for you to make in your attempts to show your partner that you cared. You contributed a lot to making this phase of your relationship so dynamic and alive. In fact, when you think about it, there was nothing “spontaneous” about this phase. Spontaneity is a myth that you keep searching for but never actually existed because lots of planning had to take place.
The contributing part of yourself can be re-awakened. Instead of looking for charge and inspiration from others, imagine how you’d like to feel and be, what you can give and contribute, not just what you can get from your partner. Don’t wait for your partner to make the effort first. Don’t expect that a new partner will do this for you because this state will not last without input from you. Looking for others to “do it for you” has many down sides. Have you ever asked yourself what’s in it for them? Why would they want to keep investing their good energy in you if you aren’t making the effort for yourself or for the relationship? Their energy charge, just like yours, is not inexhaustible. You need to ensure that their efforts are reciprocated, that you’re both contributing. This is what makes a good team and an exceptional relationship.
How can you recharge your own energy so that it can be reinvested in the relationship? When you and your energy are fully charged, like the charge you felt at the start of your relationship, you give off a magnetism which is highly attractive and which can reignite the sparks in your relationship. It’s inevitable and normal that your batteries will run flat every now and again. It happens to everyone and to all relationships. But you can recharge yourself by doing things that are new, different, exciting and yet totally in line with your own integrity and the commitments that you’ve made to your partner. You need to convert your energy, by taking physical, emotional, mental and spiritual action so that the increased electric current reawakens your love and your relationship.
I’d like to invite you to start today. Why wait for something to happen? Waiting for things to change can be very frustrating and is often a losing proposition. Unless you take the lead and begin to recharge yourself and the relationship, it may slowly die, just like a worn out battery.
For ideas on how you can focus on making you and your partner feel recharged, read part two in my free report “Successful Relationships for Singles and Couples” which you can download from my website. You can also give me a call on (02) 9516 4399 or email me today , so we can work together to bring the spark back into your life and your relationship.
