People in relationships often experience the following:

  • You feel lonely in your relationship and confused about what to do
  • You are unsure about your relationship and considering leaving your partner
  • You feel afraid because you think your partner is going to leave you
  • You are frightened to be alone and smother your partner which pushes him/her away
  • You feel insecure, clingy and jealous of your partner and can’t trust him/her
  • You withdraw from your partner and avoid sex or intimacy
  • You withhold love and sex from your partner to punish them for past hurts
  • You are often angry and pick fights with your partner and don’t know how to stop
  • You are afraid of repeating the same relationship patterns your parents had
  • You are sexually attracted to other people and are scared you will act on these feelings
  • You often cheat and lie in your relationship and don’t understand why
  • You are miserable because you don’t know how to communicate so that your partner can really hear you

To book your appointment with me, call (02) 9516 4399, (0421) 961 687 or email me. You can book a Skype session with me if you cannot personally come to either of my practice locations.

If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call me on (02) 9516 4399 or (0421) 961 687 to book a FREE 10 minute phone consultation to discuss how I may be able to assist you.

Relationships represent the greatest challenges and opportunities for us as individuals. It is in our relationships that unresolved issues remaining from past relationships are activated. These issues give us important clues as to where we need support in our development to become more mature and healthy human beings. Counselling and therapy for heterosexual and same sex couples assists in dealing with the following:

  • Dating, beginning relationships, difficulty forming or maintaining relationships
  • Difficulties with partners, children, family, colleagues or friends
  • Clarifying relationship dynamics and power imbalances
  • Communicating in assertive yet caring ways
  • Constructive ways to resolve conflict
  • Healing the habitual patterns from our histories, including social and cultural heritages that obscure intimacy
  • Facilitating exploration and healing of sexual dysfunctions
  • Enhancing and deepening intimacy in relationship
  • Negotiating methods for more conscious separation or divorce

In working with couples, I take a much more proactive role than I do with individuals. My goal is to help each of you improve your responses to each other without violating your core values or deeply held principles. The major aim of therapy is to increase your knowledge about yourself, your partner and the patterns of interaction between you. Therapy becomes effective as you apply this new knowledge to change ineffective patterns and develop better ones. Before coming to your first couples session I ask you to read the following article to familiarize yourself with my methods of working. This will help you to prepare yourself for counselling, especially if you bring your answers to the three questions marked in red on this link How To Get The Most From Couples Therapy.

The Importance of Communication

The three most important qualities for effective communication are respect, openness and persistence. These are needed so that you can hold on to yourself despite your partner’s reaction. Ineffective communication is the number one presenting problem in couples counselling. Effective communication means you need to pay attention to:

  • Managing your unruly reactions, such as refusal to talk or anger that is too intense.
  • How you are communicating – your tone and manner.
  • What you want from your partner during the discussion.
  • Clarifying your beliefs and attitudes about the problem so you recognise what the problem symbolizes to you.
  • The outcome you want from the discussion.
  • Listening to your partner’s major concerns.
  • Practicing how you can help your partner become more responsive to you.

Actions of True Intimacy

Are you willing to go beyond flowers, dinner and chocolate? Here’s a different gift. The gift of intimacy. It will last longer than a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. A committed partnership points to the mutual respect and clarity that form the basis for genuine intimacy. Here are some methods I can help you explore which can deepen your intimacy.

  • Make it emotionally safe to bring up difficult subjects.
  • Listen with openness and curiosity.
  • Attempt to elicit a fuller range of feelings during discussions and disagreements. This is how you really get to know your partner.
  • Respect your partner’s desire for greater distance or closeness as expressing a need for comfort—not as a personal rejection.
  • Listen without comment during disagreements, despite strong feelings being stirred.
  • Maintain perspective. See your partner as a human, not a divine being or demon.
  • Be honest with yourself. True intimacy with another can’t really happen until we are intimate and honest with compassion to ourselves.
  • Dare to expose your imperfections and fears. This is especially difficult since it goes against the instinct for self-protection.
  • Practice not depending on your partner to fulfil all your emotional and social needs.
  • Don’t use affection, sex and loving behaviour to reward or punish.

Remember that understanding is more than just repeating back what your partner is telling you. If you really understand, you will be able to recap the importance, significance and/or implication of what your partner is telling you. In order to really understand, you will probably need to recap the facts and emotions of what you hear, ask questions for clarification, and ask about the implications or symbolism of what they are telling you. Understanding and acceptance is something we all crave. Giving it is a priceless gift.

If you’re interested in finding out more about how to develop your own strengths, please click Individual Counselling or here Relationship Coaching

 What to do now?

Please call me on (02) 9516 4399, (0421) 961 687 or email me to set up your FREE, confidential 10-minute phone consultation with me.


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Vivian Baruch is a therapist, counsellor and psychotherapist who offers relationship therapy, couples counselling, marriage counselling, singles counselling, relationship coaching, and supervision services for individuals and couples at 8/134 King Street, serving the Sydney CBD, Newtown, the Eastern Suburbs, the Western Suburbs and North Sydney — including Surry Hills, Bondi Junction, Bondi, Darling Point, Woollahra, Edgecliff, Kings Cross, Double Bay, Paddington, Bellevue Hill, Potts Point, Darlinghurst, Central, Broadway, Chippendale, Ultimo, Pyrmont, Petersham, Redfern, North Sydney, Lavender Bay, McMahons Point, St Peters, Marrickville, Enmore, Erskineville, Maroubra and Botany. For more information contact 9516 4399.